When Emeric was seeing a specialist in Cleveland and they stopped accepting his insurance I was bummed. Until I realized the next best doctor was in Texas. I'll take this scene over downtown Cleveland any day! So whenever I have the urge to complain that we have to fly half way around the country for care I remind myself that it's not so bad! :)
I can't believe summer is already half way over! I'm trying not to rush it more by saying things like the girls go back to school in 7 weeks! Wow! We're already planning on being very busy the rest of the summer. We've got a family reunion coming up, a trip to Houston ], our Epilepsy Stroll and a visit from my dad to name a few!
I start school August 31st so I'm sure that will keep me pretty busy! Emeric will be in school M-TH mornings and his nurse will still have him some of the time so that should give me enough time to do homework!
I'm excited to get back into some of the Bible studies I am a part of during the school year too. I've met a lot of great friends and had some great discussions with the people involved. They are all so great and still contact me in the summer checking in on Emeric! :)
Well, back to weeding the garden. It's pretty sad when my arm muscles are sore from pulling weeds!
I have been such a bad blogger these last few months... Not even really sure why...
I got home yesterday from a week counseling at Bible Camp. The Mennonite North Central Conference puts on a camp each summer and I've counseled in Senior camp the last two years. This year we had 50ish campers from ages 13-18. It was a blast and I posted a ton of pictures on facebook so I'm not going to re-post them all here! :)
The theme this week was, "The Bible: Use it? or Lose it?" which was my corny idea. lol Basically we discussed if the Bible was still relevant, why, and how. Of course we decided it was and we explored different ways in which it was. A few people shared stories about how the Bible had been useful to them in a hard situation. I shared a bit of Emeric's story as well.
The days are pretty long at camp... we're up at 7:00am and head to breakfast. After breakfast we had game time, morning session, worship time, small groups and lunch. After lunch is fine arts, afternoon rec, water fun and then dinner. After dinner is evening rec, night session, worship, devotions, and finally... sleep. Although sleep is hard to come by at camp! With musty, damp cabins that keep your blankets wet, giggly campers, a 2" mattress, and other factors it's not hard to see why!
I'm really glad I decided to go back. I was worried about missing my kids and prayed a lot about that and can honestly say I didn't. Of course if I thought about it long I would but there just wasn't enough time for that. We kept too busy! I really made an effort to stay present and keep my mind on camp instead of other stuff because it's pretty hard to be effective otherwise. It was also nice to be technology free for a week! Really makes you realize how much our society lacks in true relationships and conversation when you don't use a cell phone or computer all week!
I'm now home and trying to rest up before we start packing AGAIN to go camping this coming weekend!! :)
Tomorrow is Kylie's last day of 1st grade! I think she's pretty ready to be done and I won't mind not having to get up early everyday! Although I think my internal clock is set now and I'll probably still get up at the same time! She's had a great year. She has done so well with reading & spelling and has come a long way with her math skills.
Since today was Kaydence and I's last day together before Kylie is out of school I decided to take her to town and let her do whatever she wanted(well, within reason!). First we went to Walmart and she bought some gum. Then we headed to Menards to play on the slides and in the playhouse they had set up. From there we went to the mall and she rode on Garfield the cat while we wasted time waiting for Pizza Hut to open. After lunch we drove to our local Community Center to go swimming and play in the gym. The rest of the afternoon was spent sliding, picking out candy, going back to Menard's to play on the slides AGAIN, to the grocery store, to a little town outside our own to play on the slide and drink from the big lion water fountain and a few other random stops. All in all Kaydence and I had a great day and I just can't believe how fast this year flew by! It would be easy to feel guilty and think of all the things I could've done with her this year... more painting, reading, etc... but at least realizing how fast time flies reminds me to never take a single day for granted!
I think we all know someone that has trust issues. I'm one of them. Maybe you are too?
It's hard for me to really believe in people, to think they'll come through for you, to think you're worth coming through for. So to compensate for that insecurity it's easy to become controlling. If I can control my surroundings and my relationships than I don't really have to trust. I don't need to because since I'm in charge I already know what will happen. I know that I can rely on myself if no one else.
Unfortunately, I've watched this behavior play out time and time again in my life. And truthfully, I always knew it was a problem but I didn't really think it was that big of a deal. Until I realized that I've done the same in my relationship with God. Because I feel like I can't trust people or that they'll eventually let me down I've transferred that believe into what I believe to be true about God. I believe he'll eventually let me down or that he'll tire of me. Or maybe I'm not good enough or don't have enough faith.
Maybe he would heal Emeric if only I had more faith. Maybe he's punishing me for something? Maybe he just doesn't really love me as much as some of the "better" Christians. Sad to say I've believed all these things, maybe still do believe most of them. As one of my favorite songs says, "I'm caught between the promise and the things I know". I know what the Bible says but some experiences in life have told me differently. That is, if I believe God and humans are the same.
But they aren't.
Psalm 102:25-27 says,
Long ago you laid the foundation of the earth
and made the heavens with your hands.
They will perish, but you remain forever;
they will wear out like old clothing.
You will change them like a garment
and discard them.
But you are always the same;
you will live forever.
So what does that verse have to do with what I'm talking about? Well, I realized today that the Bible talks over and over again about God's unfailing love. About his faithfulness. If God is always the same that means he's always faithful and his love is always unfailing. It doesn't mean that when I'm good enough he'll love me and be faithful. It doesn't mean that when I trust Him enough he'll love me. It doesn't mean that when I've done enough for Him he'll love me.
No, God loved and accepted me before I'd done anything for Him. He loved me then and I'd done nothing. And because He will never change His love will never fail. The problem is that we've all been hurt in our lives. We've all been let down, especially by the people we love. And so it's hard not to assume God is the same. That he'll let us down. But that belief is a lie and until we see it as one we'll live in bondage because we can never be good enough.
Psalm 86:15
"But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness."
Until we're able to accept that God's love for us isn't based on what we do for Him we'll always be stuck. Stuck feeling like we're a big let down. Stuck feeling like we're unlovable or unworthy.
Romas 8:35-39
"Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us .And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
I guess those verses are pretty clear. Nothing can separate us from Christ's love. It's easy to say it, harder to believe it and live like you believe if but my hope for myself, and for anyone else feeling the same way I've felt, is that God would continually bring these verses to mind when I need them because to really be able to trust Him I have to truly believe He loves me and is faithful.
I thought about taking some pictures of my chipmunk cheeks that I acquired after getting my wisdom teeth out but figured these would be more enjoyable!
Sunday night bon fire
This is at the beginning of the marshmallow roasting.
We met at a waterpark with my sisters kids and my half sisters Jessica, Miranda and her daughter Elli. The kids had a lot of fun!
I shared this on Facebook but I thought I'd share it here too as well. Please take the 8 minutes to watch this video. I "know" some of these kids through meeting their moms on an online support group for parents of kids with Mitochondrial Disease. Is it a sad video? Yes. But it's the reality of the disease and unless people understand what it is they will not support the research.
I hate this disease. It's what causes Emeric to lie on the couch all day long some days. It's what keeps him on seizure medications, makes him unable or unwilling to eat enough, gives him 10 words at nearly 4 years old, and makes him so hot that he can't even enjoy a hot day outside!
