I think we all know someone that has trust issues. I'm one of them. Maybe you are too?
It's hard for me to really believe in people, to think they'll come through for you, to think you're worth coming through for. So to compensate for that insecurity it's easy to become controlling. If I can control my surroundings and my relationships than I don't really have to trust. I don't need to because since I'm in charge I already know what will happen. I know that I can rely on myself if no one else.
Unfortunately, I've watched this behavior play out time and time again in my life. And truthfully, I always knew it was a problem but I didn't really think it was that big of a deal. Until I realized that I've done the same in my relationship with God. Because I feel like I can't trust people or that they'll eventually let me down I've transferred that believe into what I believe to be true about God. I believe he'll eventually let me down or that he'll tire of me. Or maybe I'm not good enough or don't have enough faith.
Maybe he would heal Emeric if only I had more faith. Maybe he's punishing me for something? Maybe he just doesn't really love me as much as some of the "better" Christians. Sad to say I've believed all these things, maybe still do believe most of them. As one of my favorite songs says, "I'm caught between the promise and the things I know". I know what the Bible says but some experiences in life have told me differently. That is, if I believe God and humans are the same.
But they aren't.
Psalm 102:25-27 says,
Long ago you laid the foundation of the earth
and made the heavens with your hands.
They will perish, but you remain forever;
they will wear out like old clothing.
You will change them like a garment
and discard them.
But you are always the same;
you will live forever.
So what does that verse have to do with what I'm talking about? Well, I realized today that the Bible talks over and over again about God's unfailing love. About his faithfulness. If God is always the same that means he's always faithful and his love is always unfailing. It doesn't mean that when I'm good enough he'll love me and be faithful. It doesn't mean that when I trust Him enough he'll love me. It doesn't mean that when I've done enough for Him he'll love me.
No, God loved and accepted me before I'd done anything for Him. He loved me then and I'd done nothing. And because He will never change His love will never fail. The problem is that we've all been hurt in our lives. We've all been let down, especially by the people we love. And so it's hard not to assume God is the same. That he'll let us down. But that belief is a lie and until we see it as one we'll live in bondage because we can never be good enough.
"But you, O Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness."
Until we're able to accept that God's love for us isn't based on what we do for Him we'll always be stuck. Stuck feeling like we're a big let down. Stuck feeling like we're unlovable or unworthy.
"Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.” No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us .And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
I guess those verses are pretty clear. Nothing can separate us from Christ's love. It's easy to say it, harder to believe it and live like you believe if but my hope for myself, and for anyone else feeling the same way I've felt, is that God would continually bring these verses to mind when I need them because to really be able to trust Him I have to truly believe He loves me and is faithful.
"If we are unfaithful, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny who He is."