Tuesday, September 15, 2009

and now to get a few things off my chest.

Today has been a really frustrating day.

It started off that way when Emeric ended up with a temp after days of "weird" poop and not being able to walk. So, instead of him starting school today we headed back to the doctor for more blood work. Watching your kid shed alligator sized tears this often over blood draws is something I'm sick of trying to get used to. After labs we head to the clinic to get a urine bag to try to catch some urine, bring in our stool cultures and wait to see the doctor.

Two blood draws, a urinalysis, stool cultures and a chest x-ray later we still have no answers as to what's going on with him. I'm sure it's "just a virus". Thankfully our new doctor is awesome and she realizes that you don't say it's "just a virus" when you have a kid who ends up not being able to walk from it. Our old doctor said everything was "just a virus". I could see if I were an overly paranoid mom who took my kid in for every cough or fever how annoying that would be so the last time that Emeric couldn't want because he was sick and she assumed it was "just a virus" was the last time we saw her. She just did not understand.

I'm sure there are at least a few people thinking I'm just overly sensitive or crabby or making a big deal out of nothing but I can't tell you how reassuring it is to FINALLY have a doctor that understands, cares, and is proactive. She realizes that while most kids can run a fever of 105 and need nothing more than to just stay home and rest, Emeric can run a temp. of 99.5 and lose his balance enough to fall off the deck and land face first into a pile of landscaping rocks like he just did.

And then we have school. Emeric was supposed to start today. Emeric's nurse was supposed to go with him 1x a week. Well, neither of those things are happening. The school won't allow Emeric's nurse to come in. They say if he needs a nurse they will hire him one. Ok, whatever. So they ok it for our nurse to at least go in and train in Emeric's para so she knows what to watch for with him. Ok, good I am fine with this. Then the nursing agency calls. No, actually the nurse cannot do that it turns out. It's violation of some law or policy or license or who knows what. So now since the nurse cannot go to school with him that takes 3 hours off her schedule which means she'd only be working for 4 hours and she doesn't want to have a half day. That means we lose the nurse on Thursday's altogether.

Whatever.

Turns out I missed an appt. on Monday for Emeric. Our doctor had just set it up the week before and said this was the only time he could get in to see this hearing specialist and I stupidly didn't write it down right away on my calendar and missed it. Of course I missed it, that's just the perfect ending to an already crappy day.

I guess this is the point where people who are reading wonder if I'm done complaining. I suppose it should be.

I am just really, really, really tired. I feel like I've wrote a post all too similar before? Ah well, it's been a while, I think I'm entitled.

I should know by now that things are never easy. That just when things start going smoothly something has to happen to throw it all off. I should know by now that when I complain about my life a million other people have it much harder than I do. And I do know that, and yet here I am saying it all anyway. Sigh.

I want to be thinking about potty training and time outs. I'd take that any day over medications, therapy, new medications, lab work, hot weather. I want to put Emeric in Awana at church and listen to him memorize the verses. I want to talk about stuff without crying. I want to talk about anything else but this. I want to be able to get excited with my friends whose kids are doing typical things instead of feeling sorry for myself that my kid isn't doing the same thing. I'm tired of rejoicing over sign language instead of actual words.

Today has been a bad day. I know tomorrow will likely be better. I know God is faithful and that he'll give me that peace that I've had before but for today I'd like to believe that God cares just as much about my crappy day and bad mood than he does about my good moods. I do believe that when I wish I could tell Emeric to "be quiet" because he won't stop talking that God cares.

So, with all of that I guess I'll leave you(or maybe just myself) with a verse:

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever.”

3 comments:

Rachael said...

Nicole-
Thanks so much for sharing all of your story and daily life will us. You and your family are truley in my prayers, you are such a strong woman, and you elude it in everything that you do. You have influenced my life as a mom in so many ways, thank you for showing me that no matter how bad of a day, I need to be thankful that my kids are amazing no matter what obsticles we face.
You are truly a great woman!

Nena said...

Hugs to you, friend. I am there right with you. I don't have any words of wisdom or advice, just that I totally get it and am sending many vibes of whatever you need.

Much love to you. Nena

ben and erin said...

you are totally entitled to vent about your bad days. it's hard to imagine what you go through every day and the things that can be so frustrating. i'm definitely praying for you... i hope emeric is feeling better and that you can get some answers. (and yes, i would've found a different dr. too! glad you like your new one!)

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