Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Too much to think about Tuesday

Do you ever have days where there is so much on your mind that instead of being completely overwhelmed and thinking about it all it's so much it's easier to just not think about any of it?

Today has been one of those days. One of those days where you wonder if you've finally turned a corner in living under the cloud of anxiety or if your placid attitude is just another way of steering clear of reality. When there are so many unknowns that you can't even form a mental list of which one to try to know first. There are too many. When someone asks you how they can help, or why you're unhappy, or what's wrong or how you're feeling and you rack your brain for minutes trying to think of an answer and still end up saying, "I don't know". And you're honest, because you really don't know. Or maybe you know that the person doesn't have 2 or 3 hours to carve out of their day to listen to you and your problems. Because you know everyone has their own problems and you feel like you're only ever talking about yours.

It's been one of those days.

Complacent, distant, detached from my own thoughts.

One of those days where the weight of all this stuff literally makes your heart race. I picture a suitcase, so full that you don't dare open it for fear you'll never get it shut again. Or for fear that if you do open it you'll have to take care of all the stuff and actually put it away.

And for today I just don't have the time.

3 comments:

ben and erin said...

praying 1 Peter 5:7 and Matthew 11:28-29 for you and that God can give you peace of mind.

Heather said...

praying for you...

Rachael said...

I am with you! There are days when I just sit and watch the kids, not wanting to think of the mountain of things that seem to be weighting on my mind every minute. You are a great mom, I give you so much credit for "dealing" with everything and not just shrinking back. I know the worry and day to day tasks can see some beyond overwhelming that you feel like you are just functioning not being part of things. Just keep remembering that God will never give you more than you can handle, and there is truly a reason for eveything that is going on. I know the "light at the end of the tunnel" seems to be blocked, but it is there. I am praying for you!
P.S. I hate this time of year too, its the worst part of winter, and I always start to resent my kids, husband and everything around me because I am so sick of the cold and being inside all of the time, I really pray things will start looking up and life will seem easier soon for you guys:)

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