Saturday, April 26, 2008

I've really been more at peace this last week with Emeric's situation than I've ever been. Everyday I pray for that peace and a new strength to get through the day without continual worry. It's hard for me not knowing what God's plan is for Emeric's life and what he has in store for him but really I don't know what's in store for Kylie or Kaydence's life or for my life or anyone's life for that matter. None of us are promised a long, happy life and I've realized that continually worrying about Emeric has done me no good. Yes, being concerned has done me good and I'll always be concerned for his health but I feel like those are valid concerns and I don't think that's wrong, I think it's natural.

We've been studying the book of Daniel at a Bible Study I've been in and how God has already answered our prayers before we've even answered them. I keep thinking God is not giving us answers but we've gotten a lot of answers in the last year. We've learned a lot about what's going on with Emeric and obviously for right now God thinks we know enough. We know what we need to know to take the best care of him and knowing anything else doesn't matter at this point. Now, I can't always say that I'm ok with not knowing but I don't have to be ok for the next week, or the next month or the next year, I have to be ok for today. And for today I am.

For today I know that God planned Emeric's life before he was born and that this is the life God chose for him. This is what he chose for us. Sure I wish Emeric didn't have seizures and that he was healthy but then I also think, but this IS him. If you change all of that and you take it away you change him. And so I have lots of conflicting emotions but right now I feel at peace. When I start trying to think ahead is when I feel very scared but worrying about what's ahead doesn't do me any good because even if I know what's ahead ultimately I CANNOT change it. Either way God is in control. So, I can try to sway God's mind and tell him what I want but really is that best? I mean, do I know what's best for Emeric? Better than God? Obviously the answer is no. So, when I think of it that way I realize that I want God to be in control and I want to put Emeric in his hands and not mine.

Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, whose thoughts are fixed on you."


Jessica said...

This is such a great reminder. I think you made a great point in that none of us know what is in store for our lives and God certainly knows what is best more than we do! I am glad you are at peace with Emeric's situation for today. =)

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